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The last time my dad, or Da as I called him, spoke to me was November 26, 2018.  I dropped him off at the airport for a flight to the Philippines.  Our family was going to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s there together with my sister.  On December 6, Da’s birthday, he had a stroke which took away his ability to speak. Today, on Father’s Day, will be almost 5 months since we lost Da.

I have been struggling to write this since he went to heaven. It is because I know my words will never do justice to the incredible human being that he was, nor will they ever be able to capture what he truly meant to me. Sometimes I think I am in denial; like Da is on an extended vacation in the Philippines and I am going to see him soon. But soon never comes, and in its place is grief which oftentimes is so profound and debilitating that it is difficult to face the day.

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At Da’s Service

There is an expectation from people who have never experienced a loss of a loved one.  After the funeral, many people think the grieving process should be over.  You are expected to perform like normal and get back into the swing of things.  I lost my father. I will never have another and I will never be the same. If people could understand that forever goodbyes can change you forever, then those expectations would not exist. My grieving process has been anything but linear. It comes in and out like waves of the ocean.  The day might start out wonderfully and something triggers a memory that will bring me to tears.

I miss talking to Da.  He loved to chat especially over breakfast. He would make bacon and eggs for me, and sausage and eggs for my sister. This continued on well into our adult life. The first memory that popped into my mind right after Da passed was about bacon and eggs. I was a little girl trying to sleep in on a Saturday morning and Da was trying to wake me up because he made me breakfast. I did not want to wake up just yet, but he carried me down to the kitchen anyway and sat me down to chat. I miss hearing Da’s voice and am saddened that this was taken away before he went to heaven. Over the years, through our many conversations, I have learned a lot of life lessons from Da.  They have shaped me into the woman I am today.

You Are More Than Enough

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Da Always Held Me Close To His Heart

Da thought I was the smartest, funniest, and prettiest human being that ever existed.  I could tell him the silliest joke and he would laugh until he fell over. I would put together some mismatched outfit as a kid and he would say it was perfect.   The funny thing is, as a child, I truly believed I was all of those things until I stepped into the real world and people made me believe otherwise. I would often talk to Da when I was feeling unsure about myself, even as an adult.  I remember telling him that I was nervous about going to a meeting with some attendees who I felt were very knowledgeable. He always reminded me, throughout my life, that I was just as smart as or even smarter than anyone. Don’t ever let someone make you feel inadequate. You are more than enough as long as you try your best.

Every Job is an Important Job

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With My Sister

My first job in a casino was to walk around enrolling guests for the loyalty program and hosting, on stage, the daily slot tournament. When I told Da this, he beamed with pride.  You would think I landed the job as president of the casino. He explained to me that every job was an important one and should be treated that way if this was the role I chose to take. When he came to the United States from the Philippines, one of the first jobs he had was as a dishwasher.  He said he loved it and was proud of it. It was a far cry from his job as a doctor in the Philippines. Success to him was working hard at the job at hand, dedication to the role, and doing your very best at whatever task you are given.

It Is Not Always Worth the Fight

Whenever I had a disagreement with someone, Da always reminded me that it was important to know when to stop arguing and simply allow the person to be wrong. The reason was simple. There was great dignity in taking the higher road especially with people who just wanted to win an argument. He said I was never going to lose anything by doing so and I had everything to gain by walking away.

Sometimes It Is Worth the Fight

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In the Philippines

In as much as Da thought it was important to walk away from a senseless argument, he thought it was equally important to stand my ground when I believed it mattered. Da raised two daughters with strong personalities.  Whenever we would tell him how we defended ourselves when someone was being unfair or spoke up when someone was being rude, he fully supported our decision as long as it was never done just to be mean or out of spite.

Expect Nothing. Appreciate Everything

Da said when I gave something, it should be given wholeheartedly without the expectation that it would be appreciated or I would receive a thank you. It was far more important that I was thankful that I had something to give.  When I didn’t get something I wanted, he said to appreciate how many blessings I already had.  When I went through any kind of hardship, he said to appreciate the lessons I learned from it. When we don’t have expectations, we are never disappointed.  He always reminded me to be grateful for everything. I am.

Live Simply. Be Charitable

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Da Loved To Laugh

After Da passed, I was not surprised that he had very little material possessions that needed to be packed away.  Throughout his life, he spent many hours packing boxes of items to give to the less fortunate, most of them were his, or buying gifts for his family in the Philippines. Whenever Da received a gift, he would most likely give it away.  It was not because he didn’t appreciate it.  Da was grateful for an expensive gift and equally appreciative of one that was not. The reason he gave a gift away was because he said he didn’t need it and someone else needed it more than him. What I did find amongst his belongings were his treasured keepsakes like cards we had written to him over the years and photographs of his family. At the end of your life, you cannot take any of the material possessions you accumulate. Give when you are able, and honestly, you are always able.

Put God First

My Ma and Da taught my sister this lesson together. Our strong belief in God is because they were both exceedingly deliberate in teaching us about their unwavering faith. They prayed the rosary together daily and went to Church every Sunday. They taught us to be prayerful.  When we were disappointed, they reminded us that God had a better plan for us. When we received any kind of blessing in our lives, they reminded us to thank God first.

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I was 1 and my sister was 3 years old

Years ago, Ma told me that Da had a dream that God took him by the hand and brought him to heaven.  I found comfort in that because I knew that God would always take care of my Da. One day, months after Da passed, I was talking out loud to him in the car on my way home from work. I was telling him that he must be busy in heaven because I haven’t seen him appear in my dreams.  I asked him if he was happy.  That night, for the first time, I had a dream about Da.  He only said two words to me in Tagalog, our language, which gave me the opportunity to hear his voice again. He said, “Masaya ako.” (I’m happy). Those two words were all I needed to hear.

Happy Father’s Day, Da. I love you so much.

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41 Replies to “Bacon, Eggs, and Life Lessons from Da”

  1. Those are some beautiful life lessons. The influence our parents have on us plays a key role in how our lives shape up. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  2. Happy father’s day in heaven, tito Rene! You took a piece of everyone’s heart that have met you. I’m forever grateful for having you, tita Seng, Ching and Tonette in our lives… Watch over us from heaven…

  3. Such a beautiful tribute. And so inspiring for everyone reading this. Sorry for your loss.

  4. That was very touching, Ching. I cried a bit. Your dad was such a funny guy. I always enjoyed talking to him. I am sure he really is happy up there knowing how all his 3 women are taken care of by each other. Very nice blog and tribute you made for him. I love you, cousin.

  5. this is really inspiring, this article must be shared to many, got a great read with this, thank u :))

  6. Everyone should read this, such an inspiration to many, thank i for sharing this kind of article ❤️

  7. Such a touching story. I love that your father didn’t leave much material possessions. Expensive gifts and presents can only get you so far in life. If you are happy with your own life and happy with your friends and family, material things suddenly aren’t worth much at all!

  8. omg Ching, your post made me very emotional. It is just amazing when someone, a parent or otherwise has that much impact on your life, so beautiful. Amazing amazing article and thank you for sharing.

    1. Thank you for saying such wonderful things <3 It was such a difficult piece to write. I hope I made him proud. Thank you for taking the time to read:)

  9. Oh god.. This is so touching.. I love how you put all the emotions towards your late father in this blog. So sorry to hear your lost.

  10. Great article and glimpse into your father’s, and your, journey. You could see the joy in the words and photos you shared. I think that is a memorable article.😊

    1. So sorry for your loss.. 😢 He didn’t leave you with so much material wealth but he leaves you with so much love and gratitude.. Money isn’t everything, so true. 😊

  11. This breaks my heart to read. Truly it does. It also gives me the shivers, especially the part about having a dream about your dad and him talking to you. I love that you had that dream and I hope you have many more to reassure you that he is okay and watching you proudly!

  12. I can see your father was the man who held everything together. Just like we expect from our fathers. Though we may miss them everyday. And at times forget about them. They have life lessons that they have taught us to use in our everyday life. And those are the times we think of them most.
    What a tribute to your father. If I can only be half the father to my children; my dad was to me…I just want him to be proud.

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